Puck provides more empirical evidence as to why you should never piss off redheaded hormonal fairy chicks. Ever.

VOTING INCENTIVE: PATRIOTIC PHOEBE!!!



It's no longer early July, but the patriotic cheesecake is still up. If you want to see what all the fuss is about, CLICK HERE TO VOTE!!!

AND CHECK PUCK ON FACEBOOK!!!

He really needs to learn to keep his trap shut otherwise the will lose his manhood the next time he pisses Puck off.

When a girl is famous for getting a laugh at any and everyone's expense, pissing her off is probably not a good idea...

He's lucky it wasn't the refrigerator.

obituary
I cant decide,
Here lies Colin.. he was an idiot
or
Cause of death: not knowing how to talk to women

@godmoderncommander: Colin is incapable of comprehending the danger he is in on a daily basis. I mean, why else would he stay with Puck? Any sane man would have run for the hills long ago!

@msfcatlover: Yeah, you just don't say these kinds of things in screwball comedies. You know the price you'll pay.

@Jamie59: Though larger in girth, the refrigerator is at least smoother in texture. Wait, I forgot about those coils at the back. Ouch!

@ArendJK: See, MY take is that Colin is guilty here of running on autopilot. He's fielded so many "Am I getting fat?" questions, and the answer has always been, "No, nothing has changed." I mean really, how many times is it the RIGHT answer to say, "Wow, honey! You're right! You're FREAKIN' HUGE!"

144
One hundred and forty four strips, or one gross as they say in Hobbiton. And that *was* pretty gross...

Dude, take this from a female's point of view: Never insult a woman's weight. It'll make you gain twenty pounds from getting your organs scrambled. Your face might be reorganized, too.

@Robert Nowall: I aim to keep my people happy. And if my people are hobbits with a penchant for lowbrow humor, then so be it!

@Riv: I'll go one better: never say ANYTHING about a woman's weight. At all. In any capacity. Also, never guess a woman's age. Also, never EVER ask the question, "Are you pregnant?" even if the woman looks ridiculously, hugely pregnant. Because there's that chance she isn't. And then there's a chance you'll die.

The doctor seems pretty nonchalant about this. Is "celery bum" a recognized medical problem in Canada? Or is it just that they're in a University town?

@Noclevername: In answer to your queries, (1) No, celery bum is not a seriously prevalent medical condition in Canada, though from what I've heard from emergency room doctors, they see so many strange, ridiculous things on a daily basis that celery bum would phase few of them. (2) Yes, this is a University town. That might explain some of the nonchalance.

In addition, this is the same doctor who dealt with breast enhancer side effects and near-fatal coffee withdrawal. So I don't think he's easily phased. Also, he seems to be the only physician in town. Go fig.

"I want two of the finest proctologists in town to meet them at the hospital". -The Mask

@Lilyblack: If I remember correctly, those dudes fared far worse than Colin. To be sure, though, I'd need to dig out my VHS copy of the Mask. Ah, the memories!

Oh, so she's a stalker!

Geddit!?

@darknoon: You deserve the biggest groan that I can generate.

Open Mouth, Insert.....never mind...
Mrs. Casey is at that point where she is making the same comparisons, but unlike Colin, I offer to kiss her tummy and remark how sexy she looks. The worst I get is being called a pervert.... NO DAMMIT!!!!!..... THAT'S PERVECT!!!!!

@Caseyorourke: You, sir, have the right answer. And I don't personally think finding pregnant women sexy is perverted. Finding lampposts sexy is perverted. Finding ONLY pregnant women is ... a little weird, in my personal opinion. But given the fact that Mrs. Casey wasn't pregnant all that long ago and, using my powers of deduction, I can guess that you were attracted to her in her non-pregnant state, I can hazard a guess that you're not one of those guys.

Ding ding ding
Actually the pervert/pervect was an allusion to the MYTH series by Robert Asperian. Actually my wife calls me "loumon" which is Chinese for naughty man.

Just got our ultrasound and I'm happy to announce, It's a girl.

@Caseyorourke: Hey, a girl! Cool! You poor sucker! I don't have many white hairs, but all the white hairs I do have on my head sprouted AFTER my daughter was born. Coincidence? I think not.

TOO LATE!!!!!
Hair has already turned grey. Now I have to not want to pull it out by the roots. But sixteen years from now when she starts to date, I'll make sure that sonny-boy reads my copy of "The Ten Rules for Dating my Daughter," that rule 10 is especially important because "DEAR OLD DAD" is a crusty old sergeant who still is a crack shot

@Caseyorourke: You armed forces dads. Man. There's only one type of dad scarier, and that's religious figure dads.